The Real Cost of Family Estrangement

Summary

Family estrangement, or not speaking to immediate family members, is surprisingly common and leads to chronic unhappiness, depression, and poorer physical health. Research shows that family provides the most meaning in life for a majority of people globally. While short-term relief might be experienced when cutting ties, long-term suffering often follows. Studies indicate that around eleven percent of mothers and twenty-six percent of fathers have experienced estrangement from a child, and about thirty-eight percent of all adults are currently estranged from at least one close family member. Adult children often cite toxic behavior or feeling unsupported as reasons for distancing, while parents may not know the cause, or point to objectionable relationships or entitlement in their children. A key factor in estrangement is often a values breach rather than a behavioral one; rejecting parents' core values can be more damaging than simply living differently. Encouragingly, eighty-one percent of estranged adult children eventually reconcile with their mothers, and sixty-nine percent with their fathers. The two crucial ingredients for families that stay together despite disagreements are tolerance for differing views and forgiveness. While influencers, politicians, or media might encourage cutting off family due to differing values or politics, those who truly care about you will not push you away from your family.